What if?
by God Boy's Girl
Summary: A drabble about Deidara's take on what it would be like to have anyone else in the Akatsuki as a partner besides Tobi. Oneshot.


**Authoress's Note:** Hello! I was having some trouble with Sasuke's Second Childhood, and I felt bad for keeping everyone out of an update for so long, so I wrote this to see if it would help my writer's block. I really hope you enjoy!!!

There aren't any pairings, for a fair warning.

**Disclaimer:** I do not own Naruto, and I never will. Deidara and all members of the Akatsuki, and the Akatsuki itself belong to Kishimoto-sensei.

Thank you,

Shebby

* * *

There had been quite a few bad qualms about being an Akatsuki member from the beginning. Learning that he would have to take on a partner had been bad enough. 

Having that partner die on him and get replaced by a babbling idiot had been just as bad, if not actually worse..

But, Deidara reflected, looking over at the odd sleeping position that Tobi had acquired in the makeshift bed across from him, there were worse things than being partnered with Tobi.

Right?

Maybe there were, anyway. Deidara wasn't quite sure if death qualified.

After all, being partnered with Tobi was a hell-on-earth anyway.

Deidara had always been curious to know what it would have been like if he were to be partnered with the other members of the Akatsuki, though. He wasn't sure whether he would be happier with someone else, or angrier. Each of the members of the Akatsuki had a special trait—a special _quality_—about them that none of the others had.

His thoughts drifted to Hidan.

If he had been partnered with Hidan, then things would have been much, _much_ different. He wouldn't have to worry about Hidan's well-being, considering the man _was_ immortal. Deidara would actually have been able to look after _himself_ for once.

_Yeah,_ Deidara thought as he looked out over the horizon, the sun just beginning to rise – sending a beautiful, alluring, luminous glow over the rugged landscape that consisted of deep canyons and rocky ledges. _Being partnered with Hidan would have been _much_ better than being partnered with Tobi, un._

And then his mind swapped from good thoughts, to the negative parts of being on the same team as Hidan. If he had been partnered with Hidan, there was no doubt in his mind that he would have been dodging multiple attempts on his life for being a 'filthy, ugly, stupid heathen'. Not to mention the fact that Deidara would have had to sit through the countless boring rituals Hidan went through – and Deidara was sure that with all of the foul language that Hidan spit out would give him ear-infections for the rest of his life. But, that wasn't the worst of it.

Hidan had absolutely _no_ talent for art - and no talent meant no tolerance. If Hidan didn't have tolerance of art, how on earth would he have seen that true art wasn't everlasting like him? True art was instantaneous, and went out with a crash loud enough to send all of your senses into a spin. You would hear the bang, see the results, smell the wonderful ashen, taste the gratification, and you could touch what was left of the miracle.

Yes, _that_ was what true art was to Deidara, and, as he realized, Hidan wouldn't appreciate it.

Just like Sasori hadn't.

And he'd had _more_ than enough arguments with Sasori to last a life time.

As if he'd had an invisible notepad in his mind with each name of the Akatsuki members on it, Deidara mentally scratched out Hidan's name.

There was no way in hell that he would _ever_ want to be partnered with Hidan. The thought of it (though previously pleasant) made his stomach lurch.

Deidara sighed as he leaned back against the wall of the cave that he and Tobi (though mostly he) had found the night before. They had been tracking down a Jinchuuriki for four days now, and they were getting close to capturing it, too. They'd needed some rest, first, though.

His thoughts shifted to Kakuzu.

What would life with Kakuzu as a partner have been like?

Well, Deidara pondered, Kakuzu was strong, smart, and he calculated situations to the full extent. He wasn't _overly_ full of himself, and he made sure everything was in check.

Deidara smirked lightly to himself. _Kakuzu wouldn't have made a bad partner, I suppose . . ._

And then Kakuzu's worst flaw hit him like one of his own clay bombs.

Kakuzu loved money above anything else. He couldn't sleep without making sure all of the money was there. He went off of the mission goal if he had a bounty to collect – and he had no worries about any one else but himself.

Deidara bit his lower lip at the prospect at having to fight a battle with high-class ninja that could deflect his bombs without being able to count on Kakuzu for _anything_. The man probably wouldn't even try to help him.

Deidara mentally crossed Kakuzu off of his list.

_Well, I think _those_ two can just keep to themselves . . . They bicker back and forth enough to be a married couple anyway. I just don't get why Leader doesn't just have them propose and marry . . . _Deidara wondered, the thought amusing him for a few more moments.

He watched as the stars in the sky began to slowly fade, as well as the moon.

He was bored again, and this was the _only_ reason he was taking the time to stare out at the scenery instead of blowing it up.

His thoughts wandered off to Kisame.

The man was tall, masculine, could hold his own, was protective, carried a huge sword, and was remarkably powerful. These were very unusual traits to find, and worked well in the large man's favor.

Deidara smirked. Kisame was also the most 'polite' out of the entire Akatsuki.

_Kisame wouldn't make such a bad partner, I guess . . . _Deidara thought, before groaning lightly at the next thing that popped into his head.

Kisame was blue and looked like a walking shark.

He mentally sighed, knowing the danger it could put him in if he was partnered with Kisame. Sure, he had a strange Kekkai Genkai himself, but still – at least _he_ could hide it. Kisame's wasn't so easy to hide.

Kisame was able to easily slip past people because of Itachi's Sharingan. Itachi could hold anyone in a trance for as long as he wished to, and that gave Kisame an obvious advantage when it came to being on the same squad as Itachi.

Deidara sighed as he mentally crossed out Kisame's name as well.

As for Itachi? Deidara didn't even _want_ to think about what it would be like to be partnered with such a stuck up, impassive prick like Itachi.

Not to mention the fact that if he had been partnered with Itachi, he'd never have been able to get the memory of their fight out of his blonde head.

So, Deidara didn't actually have Itachi on his 'list' of possible partners.

So, to distract himself, Deidara shifted his thoughts over to Zetsu.

Being on _Zetsu's_ squad was a no-brainer.

The man was the leader's personal message giver. He got orders directly _from_ the leader _himself_. He, in turn, gave orders out to everyone else _for_ the leader. If he told someone to do something, they did so with no hesitation.

_Being on Zetsu's team would definitely be an advantage . . ._ Deidara mused. _I'd be able to get orders from Leader and I'd have an edge over the others just like Zetsu does. Then I'd be able to shove that in Itachi's face! I'd be more powerful status wise than he would _ever_ be, un!_

But, as Deidara came to realize, being on the same team as Zetsu would have bad points as well.

Getting direct orders from the leader of the Akatsuki would be great – but relaying the messages to the others would be a hassle. He was already taunted enough for being the only blond in the group as it was. He'd be lucky if the others would even _listen_ to him.

Another problem with being on the same team as Zetsu was Zetsu himself.

Zetsu had a split personality that freaked Deidara out enough already. If the blond were to hang around Zetsu _all_ of the time, he was sure that he would lose his poor mind. Not to mention the fact that he would have to constantly keep track of which side of Zetsu was talking – and _that_ was difficult. He was such a strange person, if he could be _called_ a person.

He was more of a walking-plant.

Zetsu confused Deidara quite a bit, and Deidara thought up the perfect example of what Zetsu would usually say to confuse him on a regular basis, just because the blonde was bored and had nothing better to do than think of stupid things like this.

_I'm hungry. We should get some lunch._

Deidara's mind wandered over the two possibilities to the statement he'd brought up in his own mind.

One, it could mean that Zetsu was offering to help Deidara find something to eat, so long as he could eat too.

Two, it could mean that Zetsu was hungry, and by 'we' he was talking about his white half and black half. By 'lunch', Deidara thought that the man was talking about _him_ on a normal basis.

This usually cleared Deidara out of the room quickly because "he needed to go find some more clay to sculpt".

Deidara sighed as he realized that he would have to start becoming more creative in his excuses. He was sure that eventually they would figure out that he was lying – if they hadn't already, that is.

Deidara's attention shifted over to the sleeping Tobi once he heard the orange-masked boy grunt. He stared as the Akatsuki member rolled onto his side, draping one leg over the other so that it looked like he was running on the ground. His arm was slung lazily over his forehead, for his torso was facing upward – his lower half turned to the right, making the boy looked twisted.

Deidara smirked to himself.

The brat really did sleep like a freakin' log.

He sighed, though, as his musings about Tobi came to a halt. He had gone back to thinking about partners again, and sighed.

There was no way that he wanted to be paired up with the leader _or_ Konan. He wasn't sure if he was actually able to handle that. The leader was always so stoic, and Konan was not much better.

They were, in a sense, very scary.

And S-class criminals like himself didn't get scared easily.

Unless they were Tobi. If that was the case, then they'd run from a freakin' butterfly.

Deidara sighed once he'd taken all of this information in, and he'd come up with a conclusion.

Sure, it was true that each and every one of the Akatsuki members he'd counted made _very_ worthy teammates, but there was always something wrong.

Hidan's mouth and lack of artistic talent.

Kakuzu's addiction to money.

Kisame's inability to camouflage himself properly.

Itachi was a prick.

Zetsu scared the living hell out of him.

And Konan and the leader were not much better than Zetsu in that criteria.

So, every one of the Akatsuki members had a flaw that he could think of.

And apparently, Tobi was no different.

Sure, Tobi was an idiot, and a coward, but that didn't mean he _didn't_ have some sort of skill. It just meant that he hadn't shown it yet.

_I guess that if Leader let him join, then he must have had his reasons.._ Deidara thought as he watched the sun fully rise.

He stood up from his position against the wall and picked up the cloak he had discarded the evening before, grabbing his bag of exploding clay as well. He hooked the bag to his belt and pulled his cloak on before walking over to Tobi's sleeping figure.

Tobi looked so peaceful and serene in his sleeping form. No idiotic comments, no stupid bouncing, and no happy demeanor. It was peaceful, and Deidara reveled in it.

Right up until the point where he kicked Tobi _very_ hard in the rib cage, earning a startled gasp and a sudden jolt from the boy.

Tobi groaned as he rubbed his aching side. "Deidara-sempai, were we attacked?" he asked groggily, not aware that it had been Deidara himself who had kicked him.

"No," Deidara stated sharply. "You slept in, and I kicked you to wake you up. Maybe next time you'll get up on time, un."

Tobi stood up unsteadily, and Deidara could just imagine the pain he was in.

And oh, how he loved being the one who'd inflicted it after he'd had to save his sorry butt about fifteen times the day before because of nearly falling off of cliffs.

He turned on his heel, and began walking out of the cave, even though he was aware of the fact that Tobi wasn't ready to leave yet.

"Deidara-sempai! Wait for me!" Tobi shouted, struggling desperately to get his cloak on and gather his things before Deidara got too far ahead of him.

"No way, idiot," Deidara stated loudly. "You slept in, and now you'll face the consequences. Maybe you'll learn to get ready when your supposed to, un."

So, as he walked, Deidara smirked a little as he heard the pounding footsteps of Tobi as he ran to catch up.

Deidara couldn't help but pick up his pace a little, just to be cruel.

Just because Tobi didn't show what he was truly capable of doing (if that was _anything_), that didn't mean too much to Deidara.

He'd still treat Tobi like the little underling that he was.

He'd still treat Tobi like a pest.

And most of all, he'd still treat Tobi like the idiot he knew he was.

But still, Tobi was his partner, and Deidara wasn't quite sure where he would be if he'd had anyone else as his partner.

But, he didn't care. It didn't matter, really. This was where he was.

And this was where he intended to stay, too.

* * *

**_I really hope you enjoyed this! Please review!_**

**_Thanks,_**

**_Shebby_**


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